Saturday, December 27, 2008


BLAH. im frustrated. i want to give up... and then i read a dumb article about looking for freedom from life or look for freedom for life. what? i wanna run away even though its not the right thing. i done doing the right thing. doing the right thing has got be NOWHERE. ew.

a new post will be up about new years resolutions because my life is a mess.

i will be starting a 365 days picture album in 2009. now that i have posted it here... i will be committed.

Friday, November 28, 2008

American Desi

The longer my family stays in America, the more I realize how confused desi/mixed culture/1 and a half generation/culturally complexed I am. And yet, I still want to be either this or that, black or white, Indian or American but at the same time am so proud of the mixture I am. I imagine every American Indians' Thanksgiving went like this yesterday: with all the hustle and bustle of roasting a turkey, smashing potatoes and baking pies, not many people had on the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade this year. Most of us had CNN or one of our Indian channels blasting throughout the house, giving us a minute by minute update of the attack in Bombay. Many of us glanced at the screen in between bastings and saw the Taj, remebering it from one of the many summer trips to the Gateway of India.

The one day I most desire to be a regular American family, I am reminded that I am only pretending. A person can eat a complete turkey dinner made from scratch but does that make me American? How can I be fully American? My dad has always said as long as my eyes are round and my skin is brown, people will question what my background is.

This event further acknowledges my battle between my two cultures. Do I feel sad that India was attacked or do I feel scared that like my family vacations, the families/businessmen/wedding parties were involved? And which side do I side with as an Indian? The vacationers or the citizens?

My heart goes to the many people who lost their lives and have gotten injured, and I feel even worse about the architecture and the history that this attack as destroyed.

Thursday, November 20, 2008


It never fails; I do it everyday. Why do I always fall for it, why do I always get trapped in the conspiracy of Starbucks?! And you know, its not like i have some awesome order like Carmel-frappachino-half milk-half water-1/4 carmel-1/4 butterscotch-1/2 sweet n low-3 inches of whipped cream or anything.

what do i get? grande black coffee, with room for cream please. plain, simple, strong, and $1.95. Why do i feel like i need to BUY black coffee? from a franchise? when i can easily make it for hmm 50 cents? buy it from the gas station for $1? steal it from work right before i leave for class? and not only that, why do i tell them to give me less coffee than i pay for-why am i paying the full amount, and asking for only 3/4 of the deal? see why i call it a conspiracy?

oh but starbucks coffee is soooo good. and yes its strong... but it wakes me up with just a couple of sips... and OH its on every corner, so conveniently located right out side of the campus, inside of the campus, and in the cafeteria right next to my classroom. CONSPIRACY THEORY anyone?

I wanted to get my money's worth today, so I used 4 packets of sweet n low and several dashes...welll who am i kidding... almost half the bottle of "vanilla" flavor. How the heck did they get vanilla essence in powder form? Deep down inside... i was really wondering if its actually crack.

That may explain my elevated hyperness in class 3 mins after my first sip.

Somehow i get the feeling that i will revisit this post... when i start buy starbucks ground coffee instead of my usual folgers. :-/ oh why do i let it happen?

Monday, November 10, 2008

Weigh In

This is my life. All my life I remember reading Kathy and agreeing with every fat person issue, every pound and still falling for every temptation. It's crazy how if you are a woman in your 20's or 30's you fall into this character of Kathy and become obsessive, maniac over weight. GROSS.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008


Lately I've noticed, ever night when I'm coming home from class, sitting on the bus, I have this personal homecoming celebration in my mind. Every night the bus passes the Boulder turnpike, my life flashes before, I have a sigh of relief that I've made it through another day. I wake up every morning thinking of the long day ahead of me, work/school, or schoolwork, family, friends, boyfriend, life, money, money money and lately the elections. but 15 hours later, i pass the Boulder turnpike and am reminded to be thankful, that another day went by without any major tragedies. Sometimes I feel as though I own the whole of northern Denver metro. I've grown up here, and this is my home.
Boulder turnpike: reminds me that that life I used to have, where everything was all about pleasure, college is pleasure, the search for it, in the most expensive way. But along that route, you run into Superior which is the place i work now.
We pass that exit and move onto the next:
Thornton Pkwy-where my high school is and why I have such attachment to this place. I have become who I am because of that high school and all the friends and teachers who have inspired me.
104th-our first home in Thornton, and now my parents' final destination with our store. Everything has become a full circle on this street: from elementary school to where I spend the most time these days.
112th-Where my middle school is... my lost years, I had no clue who I wanted to be, and who I was actually being. strange strange years.
120th-typically my last stop on the bus, this street is the park and ride, which is so important to me. my aunt lives across the street. I used to live just down the street. and right around the corner is where I hung out, loitered at every store with my high school friends.
then we move onto 136th-my home for now. not just a house, its home.
denver has continued so far these 144th-the new mall where i seem to find myself on saturday mornings, 160th where my sister got her first job.

I know every nick and cranny of this place. every mcdonald from commerce city to boulder. every stoplight, walgreens, short cut, alley, and every hidden corner the cops like to hang out in.

through everything i've done in my life, every person i met, and who i have become, northern denver is home. and thinking of leaving it soon is killing me. maybe its the unconscious acceptance of knowing i only have a few more days, months, maybe less than a year to be here that has initiated this homecoming celebration. How will i make another city home? i don't think i can ever own a city like i own this one. every steet has a meaning to me, a period of my life, or at least a small memory.

but everyday, i thank God that even though the day was rough, and i never knew if i could do it, i've made it through, and in the end I always return home.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

The Scales of a Fish

Pisces and Libra Pisces and Libra is one of those strange but beautiful combinations, usually brought together by fate, rather than by conscious choice. Pisces, rule by fortunate Jupiter and imaginative Neptune, naturally loves to be of service to Libra, and in turn Libra loves to share creative resources with the appreciative Fish. If your Libran lover resists the temptation to take advantage of you and you learn to trust and respect the airy Scales, you can build a human bridge between the planet of love, Venus, and her higher octave, Neptune. Libra, the Scales, is a Cardinal Sign and Pisces, the Fishes, is a Mutable Sign. This places Libra in a natural position of leadership with the happy-to-follow-along Fish. Yet Pisces is in a hidden position of power with Libra, as Libra can be easily knocked out of balance by your subtle moods and manipulations. People often underestimate the strength of the seemingly fragile and submissive Fish, but you have more strength than any of us can dream of. When the Fish is good, it is very, very good... but when feeling insecure or unloved, that energy can be unintentionally used in destructive ways. Because Libra is an Air Sign and Pisces is a Water Sign, they can create a healthy, healing mist. When they are out of balance, they can create destructive storms between them. If Libra is feeling insecure, he or she can become very detached and standoffish, which only serves to drive the supersensitive Fish away. Your insecurities can sometimes become clinging and emotionally demanding, which cool, collected Libra finds distasteful. When you each learn to let your shared love of peace and balance be the guiding force, you can create soothing environments that friends and family members will delight in. This combination works best when you have a joint goal or purpose to work towards. You can, for example, work together as a team in the arts and cosmetic-related services, as you are capable of creating great beauty and harmony. It is unusual to find Pisces and Libra as long term committed romantic partners, but when other planetary placements and aspects are in harmony, you can be very successful in love and marriage.

hmmm... astrology is amazing, sometimes i wonder how i can be a Christian when i see such perfect/accurate evaluations like this.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


I'm long overdue for a new recipe. I haven't been cooking very much, so you haven't been missing out. I've just been so busy with school lately. Last week was awful, I ate all junk food. I didn't have time to prepare foods, so ended up eating out a lot. Isn't this the problem with all of America?

Anyhow, this Sunday I went to the grocery store and like every health conscious person bought chicken and a bag of salad. Firstly, I still am on the fence about if rich people are more likely than poor people to get fat. For example, I went to the store wanting to buy chicken breast-lean, white meat, very good for the body. BUT it was freakin' $3.99 a lb! I couldn't afford that, so i went with the bone in stuff and I had to cut it at home, and we are using the bones for Indian food. I don't know what american people would do with it--Chicken soup? anyhow, chicken and salad is boring.
i hate it.
but i loveee chicken and salad at restaurants. WHY???
my biggest craving is Chipotle salads, luckily they cost a fortune also, so I stay away from it.

So today I tried a new type of salad with my bag of romaine and baked chicken.

1. Bake chicken with whatever spices you have. I tried this the other day, and my recipe did not work well, so I will not post it. It was pretty much disguisting.
2. using olive oil, saute some red onion.
3. once onions are starting to get brown, throw in some mixed frozen veggies ( i am having such a hard time eating veggies lately, but I ate the whole bag of veggies in 3 days; the more healthy i am trying to eat... the more indian food i'm eating. its healthy, very flavorful, and its always there since my mom cooks it constantly.)
4. cut up chicken breast and saute with veggies
5. spread on top of salad
6. Salad Dressing, i've been craving Honey Mustard but didn't have any at home. I made a bottom of the jar recipe though! I had some Dabur Honey wayyy at the bottom of the jar. First, I heated the honey in the jar, take the lid off-its metal!! I put about 2 tablespoons rice vinegar and two squirts of spicy deli mustard. SKAKE SKAKE SHAKE. YUMMY.

It turned out really good, very asiany with the dressing.

I still want to try to make a tex mex salad, since that is my absolute favorite. the thing about restaurant salads is the different levels it has. crunch, spice, sweet, soft, hard, etc. i didn't have that many ingredients. but this is one step closer to a good home salad.
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Saturday, August 16, 2008

The Standstill.

I haven't blogged for so long; but all these emotions are bottled up inside but blogging has shown me that it is so difficult to express all that is going on. Firstly, I feel so lonely. In the last week, I feel like I've lost a good friend, while gaining another sort of relationship. I've wanted this relationship to move into that stage for so long, but now that it has happened, I'm missing what I had.

Isn't it so cliche?

You don't realize what you have until you lose it and it's too late.

I've been feeling off all week: blaming it on being too busy, running from work and school and squeezing homework and life in between. My mind didn't let me feel. But when I did realize what was wrong, it completely made sense. I'm the one that feels distressed when I don't talk to that friend for a day. And now, after not having that friend in my life for a week-- I'm an emotional train wreck.

I apologize for the sadness, but this blog can't do justice for how sad I really feel.

On the other hand, while the rest of the world is gaining golds and silvers at the Olympics, India is on its own mission: Making the LONGEST Pizza

P.S. I'm hooked on the Target Deli Section. This is the best place to go to lunch.

Monday, August 4, 2008


This is the week my future depends on and suddenly i started thinking about karma. will God decide this weekend to punish me for every little bad thing i have done...i mean no i havent murdered anyone or stolen anything but...i've never been punished for all the times i've had lil white lies or been rude or for the time i forgot to respect my elders... is God gonna combine all this and on Aug 8th decide to get to my judgement day and punish me for everything by making everything go wrong?? i dont know but im scared. i've tried to be nice to everyone this week, although i know 22 yrs can't be made up by just one week... but im trying everything i can. i feel like i'm on some attitude diet. most people try to lose a couple pounds here and there when something huge is going on. or groom and wax and buy new clothes. me? i go on an attitude diet. i hope everyone sees a different person after ust a few days on my new diet.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

American Boy

  1. bacon alarm clock
  2. music videos
  3. my boy

Isn't the best smell in the world breakfast? regardless of what type of food you are used to, breakfast foods give everyone such a huge craving. at my office if anyone ever toasts bread in the toaster, the whole staff is in the lunchroom scrummaging for food. its amazing how our body reacts to our comfort food, for example, this convenient breakfast smell alarm clock.
I love how it is shaped like a pig, CUTE. the clock starts cooking the bacon 10 mins before ur wake up time and when it slowly cooks you are slowly aroused. perfect! reminds me of Saturday mornings when my parents woke up and made huge breakfasts.

I heard a newer song the other day by Estelle and Kanye called American Boy. I loved it. it is so catchy and the black and whiteness of the video is so classic.

This girl reminds me of the Indian MIA.... listen to her song "Paper Planes" here. They both have similar sound qualities...but estelle is the more classy version. I feel both of their songs have a few notes that are off... but that makes it really pretty and unique!

Speaking of American Boys... i always thought my future would consist of a typical malu ABCD. yea the ones that go all week in gangsta clothes thinking they are hardcore and then come to church on sundays as altar boys and sunday school teachers. that is definitely not what i got. the one i got is sort of a figment of my imagination, a made up character put together from hours of talking. but this week he is going to become real again. although i've known him for so long, im still not sure what kind of person he really is, how he behaves with his environment. my relationship is based on a lot of "when we are together" "later on in life" and futuristic goals...but this next weekend it will be real again. just like everyone elses'.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Hump Day

GOD. my office has the more drama than a high school drama club...working there just makes u exhausted naturally because it is so much more than just working. i am so emotionally drained after work everyday . everyone has their own story... own issues... and their own DRAMA. I mean i totally wish the best for everyone, and i dont want anyone to get hurt... but i am so tired of hearing your stories. plus i have my own stories to tell you about.. so stop talking and listen to me. ( :) just kidding... )

although my days are exhaustive, i feel so much better in the morning because of these things:

speaking of awful days, i've experience my most humiliating story recently:

my dad and i were coming home after a very long tax class for small businesses when we stopped at a red light. the intersection was facing an old house and on top of it there were two black birds. these two birds were like fighting with each other... all biting and stuff...and i was like "whoa... look at those two birds fighting.. its like those cock fights or something" (see any normal person would think that this would be the funny part of the story... hello i just said cock to my dad) anyhow! this was not the funniest part...
my dad was like "are you retarded??".... what? why is he calling me retarded... "those are two birds mating! you're 22 yrs old and you didnt learn any of this yet?" (mind you my dad was in panic mode, worried that i didnt know about birds and the bees yet) and.... he continues to talk..."isnt you major biology or something? didn't you learn anything for that 40k i've spent getting you a bachelor's degree?"
so there it is.. i dont know what to be more embarrassed about.... the fact that i am getting the birds and the bees talk at the age of 22 or the fact that i am such an urbanite that cock fighting/mating intrigued me so much.

any comments on most embarrassing moments?

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Speaking in Tongues

Sunday Night is so dreadful. Where do the weekends go@!? I have not had a minute to rest this weekend, but I wanted to blog my first foodie post. My family's life has become complete chaos last year, but we have been making time for special Sunday nights. We grill one or two meals for the week plus have a extraordinary dinner. So today's specialty was Grilled Shrimp and Zucchini with Rice Noodles.

So here is my first recipe on here...its a super easy meal and perfect for days u need something fancy in a short time.

  • raw jumbo shrimp (1.5 lbs of 21/25 size) cleaned and deveined
  • 1 teaspoon onion powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon ginger powder
  • 1 teaspoon rice vinegar
  • 1 teaspoon black pepper
  • 1/2 salt
  • 1 teaspoon chili pepper
  • 1/4 teaspoon turmeric powder
  • 2 tbl spoon olive oil
  • 1 large zucchini, cut in bite size pieces
1. soak about 12 skewers in hot water on a flat pan.
2. mix marinade items together in a bowl
3. mix in cleaned shrimp and zucchini
4. skewer shrimp and zucchini alternately on skewer

5. grill each side of shrimp for 3-4 mins.

Rice Noodles
  • 1 lb rice noodles
  • 1/4 cup rice vinegar
  • 1 teaspoon honey
  • 1 teaspoon soy sauce
  • 1 teaspoon Worcestershire Sauce (did you know this sauce originated from india?)
  • 1 teaspoon sambal... or more according to ur liking.
  • 1/4 cup combination of fresh basil, cilantro and mint leaves
1. boil 8 cups water
2. place noodles in water for 10 mins, drain and let it dry
3. mix all other ingredients together for dipping sauce
TADA! arrange nicely and ur whole meal is ready
sorry to make this a long one but this is the verse we had in church:
"34women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says.35If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church."
my mom told me not to talk too much too this weekend... jeez. what is it with people... therefore i will be venting on my blog... where i can say anything i want. booya. sometimes i just cant bite my tongue... some people make me soo angry and i just gotta say what's on my mind. oh lordie.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Child's Play

Round Two:

I saw the sweetest kids on the light rail today... like 50 of them. they were going home after a day at elitches and they were soo soo beautiful. they were from THE BRIDGE PROJECT. I've been thinking about kids a lot lately. This year I know so many people who are having babies... and their stories frighten me! I feel so stressed out thinking about having children or taking care of a child... but they are soo cute. I don't know if I can do it. I am struggling so much supporting myself... I can't imagine supporting someone for 18 years... or... 22 yrs as my parents have. How do they do it? It amazes me.

Survival of the fittest teaches us to adapt the best qualities from our previous generation and create better characteristics to reach the top of the pyramid. WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING BACKWARDS? My parents just amaze me; they've moved to a new country without college educations and only 8 dollars in their pockets, but 20 years later they've made it. BIG! They have nice cars, a beautiful house, businesses, go on vacations. I have a college education and I can't even afford to buy clothes.

How did my parents take us to amusement parks? movie theaters? buy us new shoes for school, new outfits for each party. why did i spend all their money like thattt??

This is why i stress about having kids. Will I follow Darwin's theory and provide bigger and better clothes and cars and ipods and cell phones for my children? Can I even provide them a home, food, water? My parents have definately exceeded what was expected of them. They built homes for their family, gave money to the poor, sent savings home since they were 16. --I am 22, and still ask my dad for $20 to go shopping.

Most people dream to be more successful than their parents. I just hope to be half as successful as them.
This is all their fault... they did their job too well... if they had just messed up a little the standard for my generation wouldn't be so high!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Adi Thalam

My first post, on my hopefully frequently-written-in new blog. Welcome, world wide web.
I've been wanting this for quite some time...but I'm still not completely sure of it. I'm too scared to commit to this... will people read this? what will they think? is my life interesting enough? how long will i do this for? ten years down the road will i be a mother of 3 dictating every time i change a diaper...every happy meal i buy? nonetheless i miss having a diary like a middle schooler (ps. isnt middle school the worst time of your lives?).
I haven't decided where i'm going with this yet. i hope to recap my life while building a diary of a foodie, hence, the title: the after taste. I want this to be a recollection of my thoughts... (but TheAfterThought was already taken) and I want you to ponder it too. ie the after taste of my day/food/recipe/latest photograph/thought!!

i want to begin my blog with a tribute to my car... well old car... it has been through so much and this week just topped it. I'm beginning with this because one of my first memories ever begins with buying this car. i cant remember much else about life before this... but i remember buying this care vividly. like even what we ate for lunch that day (meatball subs)
this car is freakin old: 14 yrs and still going strong... sort of.

Things The Car Has Been Through

"The Car" is what we call it cuz its the only sedan we have! (we are NOT GREEN and own two SUVS and a minivan)

  1. The best road trip ever: Denver-Toronto, CA-NJ-NY-back to Denver-my parents actually took 2 weeks off to just go roadtripping, it was so much fun and we thought we were ballin in our new car
  2. 2-3 car accidents: this car was originally my mom's car and she is prone to accidents. 'nuff said.
  3. 2 accidents with the garage: when i started driving i could never figure out how to get it into the garage... its a red car with two black side mirrors because i've broken both of the real ones
  4. being both my sister's and my first car...sigh... its been everywhere from high school events, dance practices, all the way to boulder and back.
  5. being stolen: i will never forget the time my car was stolen in boulder, with everything in it. and nothing else was returned to me, but this wonderful car. sigh.
  6. broken speakers: the speakers have not worked for 3 yrs.... and the fights my parents have with my sister about this is precious.
  7. and finally what happened to us this week: being EGGed. by high schoolers. lame. this is what i asked my sister this morning: do you want some bacon with those eggs? she said i was dumb
I know this sounds lame, what girl would blog about a car... but this car explains my life, it has every dent, spill, & crumb from the time i was 8 to 22. i think we might sell it soon.