Vacay

August 18! Where do the weeks go?? How does life go by so quickly. I now understand why people say our lives pass by so quickly that one day you'll wake up and realize you've turned 50. It's not just days that pass quickly, but WEEKS. One week, two weeks, and its already the end of summer.

I need a vacation bad. Everyone else seems to be going on fabulous trips. How do they afford it?? Unfortunately, I can't take a vacation day for another 10 months. But all I dream about is going somewhere.

When I was little, all my parents would talk about was going back "home." I've talk about this... this sense of home. For vacations our biggest trips would always be..to...INDIA. We'd save so much money and blow it all on tickets around the world. Every time. My friends always went to Europe, Hawaii, Mexico. Us? We went to India... and not the beachy vacation type... it was India: Visit every old relative you have type. I envied my friends and craved an amazing beach vacation. I still would love to go somewhere resort like. But now, I have an urge to go "home." Often times I think, if we just had an extra $1000 we could go see my parents, my friends, my church, my home. Just an extra few bucks. Going to India with two kids costs $10,000 -- how did my parents do it? Why didn't I know the value of it? To them, and to me too now, you can't put a price on going home. C and I imagine elaborate vacations to the most unique places. We can't afford it right now. And as soon as we do have a little bit of money, I know the first trip we plan will be back home. Is that how it will be from now on? All my trips will be back home? I'll drag my kids to the US? Make them meet all my aunties and uncles and cousins?

Sigh.. I'm turning into my parents.. and that, folks, is a whole new post in itself.

...and back.

I left my last post anging. I just couldn't write anymore...then I went to Walmart. Nothing a little retail therapy can't fix :)

On my drive home I realized even though I have so much going on in my head, I can't write it down because...

because it means I've admitted it to the whole world. That I've accepted it...and proclaiming it to the whole world is hard... its... scary. What if someone else reads it? what if someone thinks I'm talking about them. What will happen if my barrier is torn down and people find out how I really feel inside? But the best blogs have all their feelings displayed. That's what makes me add them to my daily subscription. I want to be free though. My mind is getting crowded...my heart is feeling lonely. I need to let it out before I explode at the wrong time on the wrong person. So here we go... I will be honest, I will let it go...some censorship might be allowed though.

hi blog,

sigh living here makes my words short, my patience large, my freedom limited, but my brain full. And you my blog is the place I should be exploded into. SO...post #2 in 2 days.

I talk to myself so much here...Sometimes I feel the only real friend I have here is God. And thank god God moves around with you where ever you go.

But at the same time I feel so scared to write it down.

...and 5 months later...

Oh blog... I am so sorry I have ignored you. It has been so long and I haven't even told you why. I finally got a job! and I'm a permanent employee. It isn't really in my field but any experience working is good experience at this point. I've had so many new adventures since my last post. There are so many issues that i've wanted to talk about and i will try to write down in the next couple weeks. I don't want to forget the issues I'm going through so I must write it down.

So after Valentine's day time, I ended up going to a New Immigrants welcome workshop. I've known about this workshop for a while, but it was hard for me to accept that I am an immigrant...that these kind of workshops are geared toward me and not only people with accents and far away countries. Let me tell you it was a fun and relieving experience. That week, 3 out of the 7 participants had moved from the US to Canada -- just like me. People without accents, people who identify more with the Canadians than the other immigrants, people who missed Chipotle and Olive Garden, people who had everything in the US, and...people who moved for love. It was nice to meet them. However, I made a very good friend who moved from Malaysia and around that same time I met someone at the Red Cross who moved from Kuwait. It's been nice having some of my own friends who are struggling with the same things as me.

After all of this... i finally got a job. That in itself is so different. Yes I've worked hard before, but working while having a family is HARD. Working while having a family and arthritis is even harder. So much so that I had to call my mom and have her visit just to get my sanity back. But the job is good...just during the week...weekends and holidays off. They sent us on a trip to Chicago.

So much has happened in this time and I can't condense it down to this post. I promise to write more often this week. I have a lot I want to talk about and want to write down to remember in the future. I love going back to my old posts and reading what I was going through at that time, I know my problems right now will be minuscule in the future.

Love and Things

I've been wanting to post since valentine's day. This year was our first valentine's in Canada. last year we were in Denver and it was so hectic with family around and meeting everyone. We don't celebrate things much, so I wasn't sure if I would get flowers or anything. I did mention that I would like a single rose. I think the gesture of flowers is sweet. I know men think its wasteful cuz the flowers die...but especially in the middle of winter, having something alive and blooming brings a huge smile on my face. So the weekend before valentine's day I felt really awful physically. I also go through ups and down with this arthritis. Some days I just can't move anymore and have to climb into bed as fast as I can. Sometimes it's before we've had dinner, before the dishes are done. But my husband is soo good. He'll let me go to bed. Bring me water so I can take my meds.

While he got into bed...I thanked him for being a good husband. He didn't say your welcome... he said... "that's what husbands and wives do, they take care of each other. " Him saying that was such a huge gift in itself. It meant that those are the biggest gifts we have to give each other. When one of us is hurting physically, mentally, or in our hearts, our job is to care for each other. I just loved the way he said it. So practical. He was promising that he will always take care of me...which means a lot more to me cuz I know i'm gonna have a lot of sick days.

I was reading another blog and she was writing what her marriage is. I wanted to do a description of mine:

Marriage is bringing home shawarma take out on friday nights and watching old 80s malayalam movies. It is playing monopoly deal until someone is commander in chief of the whole universe. It is waiting in line for the car wash and talking about the most important things cuz you can't walk away while stuck in the line. Marriage is getting a phone call around 6 when he leaves from work to tell me he's coming home. Its the hug we give before leaving for our days. Marriage is making eggs over easy 7 days a week, and eating them even when i mess them up. It is letting him keep the tv on all through the night but waking up to turn it off when the infomercials start. Marriage is watching amazing race on sundays and knowing his secret that he likes watching desperate housewives. Marriage is learning about sports and him learning about books. It is the random hugs we share whenever we pass each other. It is us doing our own things and when i look at him, him waving and saying hi. Marriage is knowing that our jobs are to take care of each other.

Bright Sunshiny Day

Today was a beautiful sunshine day. The back of our house faces south, so I was able to bathed in the sunshine all day. The funny thing is, a sunshiny day is only good if you are inside. In Canada I've found that the sunshine is a trick...it's actually colder on bright days than on snowy ones. And not just a few degrees colder but substantially colder. But today I didn't mind because I spent the whole day inside. Doesn't a peek of sunshine once in a while make the whole winter better?

I often complain that I hate being at home. I wish I woke up with some purpose...a place to go. But there is one thing that I love about staying at home. Yes I get to enjoy the day...wake up late...watch tv...do whatever I want. But my most favorite thing? Making meals. I make elaborate breakfasts and lunches. I think about them for hours and savor it for even longer. First of all, I'm a huge sandwich lover...I love bread, cheese, and deli meat. Add some eggs or jam or veggies or sauces and it becomes so much more than just a sandwich.

This morning I had a wrap/taco sort of thing. I have some whole wheat chapathi (indian tortillas) and made some scramble eggs topped with cheddar and ham. I enjoyed the wrap dipped in salsa.

I loved the salsa so much I decided I needed something similar for lunch. Rachael Ray is having a waffle week and strangely there are many posts online about using your waffle machine. I have a sandwich maker but have never used the waffle pattern. I decided to make a sandwich in the waffle maker. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE HOT TOASTED SANDWICHES. I used a 12 grain bread, some homemade garlic butter (just garlic roasted in melted butter), turkey, and cheddar, It was so good! I could have made it more toasty but the cheese was getting everywhere. Since I loved the salsa so much I dipped the sandwich into salsa. I could have used some veggies...I think I may try some arugula.

These warm meals make my day. It turns my mood right around and reminds me to be thankful for the small things in my life :)

Such a small job

I'm not doing much in Canada. I think we all know that. Finding a job has been the hardest thing I've ever done in my whole life. Luckily, two days of the week I get to volunteer at the Canadian Red Cross. It's such an easy little volunteering job. I just answer some phone calls, register patients for our services, and work on other administrative projects. But it is so rewarding. Today I had an elderly woman call me asking if there were some services that Red Cross provided for elderly help. Red Cross unfortunately does not have anything like that, but I had a phone number for another organization that does provide these services. All I did was give her the phone number and she was so happy. She has been divorced for 23 years, has no children, and her friends are not in good physical condition to help her. Now that she is becoming more limited physically, she was lonely and just needed someone. I didn't do anything other than simply Googled the agency, but she was so relieved. It's something so simple that makes this job worth it.

I saw so many weird things today. I got a phone call from a girl who from her voice sounded like she was in trouble. It really shook me up because the thing she was asking for was something I thought was mandatory for all parents to provide for a child. I didn't really know the answer to her question and it made me realize how lucky I am that my parents knew where to go for this particular service. It really scared me that the kid was asking for help and not the adults.

I also saw a hawk. In CO this was more common, usually during the summertime. In Canada I don't usually see that many birds, other than geese. Especially when it is so cold outside. But I saw a hawk up close...and I know there are some superstitions about it being bad luck. I dunno.

I also saw a man standing on a bridge as I was driving on the highway. It just worried me. It's so cold outside...why is he walking? and that too on a bridge...and just standing staring at the cars driving by. Gave me a weird feeling.

I dunno...strange day overall.

TGIF

TGIF is such a useless phrase to me...when almost all my days are friday like. But a real friday has so much potential doesn't it? It holds onto everything that will become The Weekend. I do look forward to fridays because it means I get to spend two whole days with my husband..instead of by myself. We get to sleep in, watch tv/movies, window shop and just chill. On Friday, time seems unlimited.

Tonight we are gonna stay in, watch an Indian movie and eat my favorite food--shawarma!! Its one of my favorite activities.

Yesterday I tried to make Parippu curry. Basic dal curry. Someone who loves to cook so much should find this to be really easy, but me? It is the hardest thing for me! I blame it on my pressure cooker. It is GIGANTIC. I can't ever figure out the dal to water ratio or how many whistle or even like using it cuz its a pain to wash later. But I loveee parippu curry. It makes rice so much better. Especially the kind my mom makes. It's so smooth and velvety. You just want to eat tons of rice when there is parippu around.

I reallly really hope to figure out how to make this properly cuz its a relatively inexpensive dish. Just a few cents for the dal and some water! But it really makes a huge difference when eating rice. Especially if you are vegetarian (kinda what I'm doing these days). I find it really hard to eat rice without a meat/fish item. Lately, though living with my in laws I've learned that if you have enough good vegetable items it can be very tasty. This is easy when my MIL is cooking for me, but for me to make a bunch of creative things myself...that's a challenge. My wonderful husband likes butter chicken...which is easy to make...just pour a bottle of curry paste over some chicken. BUT the curry paste has cream in it. And that doesn't go well with my body. So on butter chicken days I'm stuck eating vegetarian. I hope I really get that parippu curry right!

New Project

Ok. Let's set things straight. I really need to post more. It seems so easy to blog when I'm really angry and frustrated. But I don't want all my entries to be whiny and self loathing. Since life isn't really going how I want I should use this time for other things. I want to write more, I really do. But some things, that you know will lift your day, just slip from your regular schedule. Think about it: praying...exercise...writing.

So I want to start a new project. I wanted to tie food into my life stories. I'm really not good at food blogging using my own recipes. I think its a hassle to take pictures in the middle of making dinner. And I'm not usually as creative as one would think I am when it comes to food at our house. Actually, when I really think about it... I'm kinda sick of the food I'm making and I wish I could eat some of my mommy's food.

So the project I want to try is to write about the dishes my mom makes. I really don't have recipes... but there are a million sites online that you can look for. What I have are memories. Not only of how the food tastes, but when we made the food, and what it reminds me of. Some people go into trances when they listen to music. They remember their childhood, school prom etc. For me, these memories come to me through food.

I'm trying to decide the first food I should do. I think I'll go with what I crave the most. hmm...That is probably my mom's Chicken Curry. It's just a normal kerala style chicken curry but its my comfort food. First of all my mom makes tons of food when she makes something. So when we have chicken curry there is tons of it. My dad cuts chicken up for her and stores it in the freezer so that she can use it whenever she needs to. My mom usually makes it during the day.When my sister and I come home we just have to eat it right then instead of waiting for dinner. We always grab bread and eat it out of a bowl. I think what I like about chicken curry is that it automatically makes a meal a million times better. Just a little bit is enough savory tasting to complete an Indian meal.


Now that I read this idea again I think its kinda corny. Maybe I will pick something that brings a more specific memory next time.

Hello, Old Me.

Tomorrow I'm going to an interview. This is one of many interviews I've gone to in the last month. Really hoping that something works out . I'm crossing my fingers! The organization I am interviewing with tomorrow is an ideal place to work. It fits really well into my life goals. The services they provide is basically what I have done in the past, what I want to expand myself into with my new education, and why I decided to do an MBA in health care...all on a large scale. Hopefully this goes well.

While preparing for the interview, I came across an old document on my laptop. It was the essay I wrote for my application into the MBA program. It's a reminder of who I was and what my aspirations were. I had to answer the typical "what will you do in five years" question and though I'm not there yet, I want to make my old self proud of what I'm doing just a few years after writing that essay. The hardest part of job hunting is staying hopeful and believing that an opportunity is out there for you. Sometimes you just want to settle for anything. Reading this essay, I want to be just as confident as I was back then and stay true to my values and interests.

I know 40 years from now I will look back on my life and reflect on my professional career. I hope I look back at it with pride and have had the opportunity to learn a lot and help as many people as possible. I am anxiously waiting to start that career path. I just hope my chance is getting closer!

__________________________________________________________________

1. How will the MBA/MS degree enhance your career plans? Project the kinds of positions you anticipate having five years after earning the degree. What experiences have you had that form the foundation of your goals?

The Health Administration MBA degree will enhance my career plans by giving me the opportunity to learn how to manage and lead a group of people to provide the best healthcare to our society.

Although earning a bachelor’s degree is a great success, the decisions that followed it forced me to continue the process of molding myself. Fortunately, I had the chance to work in a family healthcare facility, which introduced many doors of opportunities in healthcare. This job confirmed my interest in healthcare, but it also gave me the interest in the business aspect of it. The work done by the office manager, electronic medical record trainers, and drug companies were intriguing positions that I had never noticed. The more interest I took in these positions led me to the decision of joining the MBA program emphasizing health administration.

Five years after obtaining this degree I hope to in incorporate my previous education and become a program director for a rehabilitation or physical therapy center. Furthermore, I dream of expanding my career by working for a corporate health company or pharmaceutical drug company by providing exceptional business management.

2. Give a candid appraisal of yourself. Include some discussion of your strengths and weaknesses.

I am a strong-willed, passionate, dedicated, determined woman. My interests range from arts and culture to technology and modern science. I am a quick learner, punctual, enthusiastic worker with a very helping nature. One of my most important strengths is my wide array of skills. Because of this quality I am always ready to confidently take on many tasks. However, this is also one of my weaknesses. I would like to improve my method of finding a balance so that I can focus on completing just a few tasks more thoroughly.

Another one of my best strengths is my passion to work with others. This is one of the reasons I am very interested in being a part of healthcare because compassion for others is a necessary skill in all areas of medicine. I have often been praised for my kindness, helpfulness, and understanding. I enjoy working in teams and do not hesitate to lead any size group.

Although I am proud of my strengths and improving my weaknesses, I have decided to enroll in an MBA program because I believe there is always room for improvement. Through this program I wish to develop myself professionally and academically while establishing a career.

3. Discuss three of your achievements or accomplishments.

I recognized one of my greatest accomplishments as I stood on the field at Folsom stadium during my college graduation: I had completed a Bachelor’s degree in just three years. As I found my parents in the crowd, I knew I had made them proud, and I knew I finally achieved the dream of all dreams for family. I am very proud to be an alumnus of the University of Colorado with a physiology bachelor’s degree and to be one of the first to receive a college education in my family.

Furthermore, a recent accomplishment of mine is the renovation of a small enterprise that my family has decided to buy. Though we had to commit much time and effort into this project, I am honored to be a part of reviving this business.

One of the earliest accomplishments I can remember is tackling the liturgy of the Indian Orthodox mass by converting the sounds of the native language to English script. Putting it together with various tunes is one of my best skills. I still hold that pride as I lead in the church choir and encourage the younger generation to learn and hold onto our unique culture.

4. Describe your level of commitment to education and the ways in which you might make a special contribution to the learning experience of others.

I am at a stage in my life where I can thoroughly commit myself to my education. This is the reason I have decided to apply for a master’s degree only a year after completing my bachelor’s degree. Often new graduates are distracted by the demands of life which gear them away from returning to school. Since I will be entering into this program early in my life and right after receiving my bachelor’s degree I am able to continue focusing on my education and building a professional career without any other obligations. I hope to make a special contribution to the learning experience of others by being an example of a dedicated student with the desire of achieving the most out of an education. I recognize the importance in obtaining the best education based on one’s interests, and I hope my focus and passion to complete a master’s degree in business management will encourage others to similarly commit themselves to succeed in a master’s program.

Hello 2011!

A belated happy new year to my post and also my blog birthday. I'm not as up to date as other bloggers are with wishing my readers a happy Christmas or new year or wishing my blog a happy birthday. I just do it whenever I have time. I know this would drive me crazy as a reader who keeps about 20 blogs in my google reader, but i'm not quite sure that I have a fan base yet :) so I can still do it my way.

The last few days I've been reflecting on my 2010. It has been the most interesting year of my life. I could say one of the best years of my life....but at the same time one of the worse, hardest, most lesson learning years. 2010 had a lot to top because my 2009 was AMAZING. not only did I graduate, have a great job, got engaged, I was looking forward to getting married and a huge move. 2010 was more like a huge piece of humble pie for me. God stripped me of everything I had...a car...a phone...family...friends...job and gave me everything that I wanted while I had it good....a husband...a new family...wifely chores...losing weight! It really drove down the reality of appreciating what you have at that moment because the next moment can definitely change your whole life. And the grass is always greener on the other side.

In 2009 I was very spoiled...all the money I made was spent mostly on shopping, food, selfish things other than paying for my car. 2010, I learned how to live off of another person's money (this time not my dad) and really budget and plan and not take advantage of it. I am truly lucky that money is not a huge issue for us.

2010 also taught me how hard a life as an immigrant is. In the US we always have controversies on how to treat immigrants (and then there are the illegal ones!) but often times they are looked down upon. I've done this myself, to other family members, and now that I am on the short end of the stick I have really been challenged. It is really hard getting immigration papers, working with the government on things, fitting into a new community, finding a job, learning new places. So i regret how I treated others....and feel very very sorry for treating them so badly. I also understand why my parents and other family still have such a strong feeling toward India after living in the US for so long. It's has to say goodbye to the place you are from.

I also learned how to be a wife, to live with a husband. I have a wonderful husband that doesn't bother me at all. We probably had about 4 fights that lasted a few hours in the past year. I am soo lucky to have a sensible, practical husband that really loves me and to be in a relationship that games are not necessary. I truly believe we are each others' best friends and our relationship has been quite easy because of that.

I know 2011 is a year of more change...but change that will help me settle down. I need to find a job for sure. I need to find my purpose in Canada. At the same time, I want to find more friends. I want to understand Canadians more. I need to slowly let go of the US if I want to fit in in Canada. I want to find more of a routine. 2010 brought a lot of changes in my dietary habits and weight loss but I hope I can reach my ideal goal in 2011. There is so much to do. I want to stay motivated, positive, and loving.