Sunday, August 30, 2009

take 5

its been a hard couple of weeks. the starting of the semester (and the ending) is always so difficult. it takes a toll on your body and exhausts your mind. and if you have anything on top of that, you are completely brain dead.

this has been the last two weeks for me. although schoolwise this semester looks great, i have so much going on. i only have two classes i actually have to attend which is fantastic compared to the 5 days a week i was doing during spring semester. unfortunately, i havent been so environmentally friendly as before and have been driving everyday. but driving saves me a lot of time. and time seems so precious right now.

i have one day that i need to go work on my internship. i dunno how that is going to sprawl out. how will i remember everything from my past classes? im just shadowing this week so i hope i get a better idea.

i have one online class which is a little overwhelming. we are working as a group but the work is just hard.

then i have personal life which drives me nuts. everyone wants to know which color im choosing. which veil i want and which shoes look best. everyone wants to know if i want 6 bridesmaids and 2 flower girls. or eight and 4.

what i've realized through all of this is...the ceremony and the flowers, the clothes, and the jewelry just doesnt matter when 'it's' not there. when you have disconnected from me and i, you, none of this matter. i just want it to pass so that you and i can be we already. so that we dont have this barrier and we dont spend all our time driving each other crazy wondering if it will work. it has worked so far, 5 years as much, and i trust you so much. please allow yourself to trust too.

overall these last two weeks have been quite eventful but at the same time so not eventful. i have been gracious to hear two great secrets, buy one pair of lovely wedding shoes, pick up a beautiful dress, read a good book, and mingle and meet with new friends.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Priorities Part 1

have u read Like water for Chocolate before? Its a beautiful book about cooking and love. My two favorite things in life. Its about a woman's battles with her family and finding love and she pours her emotions into her recipes. Depending on her mood, the food comes out differently, more tasty or sometimes sickening.

I felt like her today. i read the book in high school and i dont even remember the main character's name, but the concept of the book will stay by me forever.

I look at cooking as such a therapeutic session. It calms me down when im frustrated and makes me focus when i'm stressed.

Today someone told me i need to get my priorities straight. How it hurts to hear the truth, and how hard it is to accept it. I've known this fact for so long since the second year of college. I need to get my priorities straight. Why is it that even though i've known this for so long, all i've done is added more priorities to the list instead of ranking the first few?

If i have my priorities set right i could do so much better in life. I would get better grades. I would be healthier. I would be able to read more and do things that i truly enjoy.

Last month I tried a 31 day boot camp and as this month starts, should I attempt to figure out my priorities?

my list:

  • school
  • work (which i'm quitting soon)
  • working at the store
  • church
  • kerala assoc
  • friends
  • love
  • reading
  • exercise
  • yoga
  • cooking
Things i'll be adding to the mix pretty soon:
  • internship
  • wedding planning
  • graduation
I need to make my love one of my priorities. He seems to be the one thing that i can push to the end of the list every time. Because in my mind he is still a chatbox on my computer. I need to understand that he is my fiance. FIANCE.

I need to exercise and I need to do good in school. I am going to do less church stuff and more spiritual growing.

So while contemplating all of this, I made a family favorite: meatballs in cream of mushroom
This recipe takes so much work, mixing ground beef with ginger, garlic, green peppers. Molding them into huge meatballs, dipping them in egg white wash and then flour. Frying it and then finally baking it with cream of mushroom soup. so many steps but it is delicious.

I just hope all my anger and frustrated emotions didn't ruin the taste this time.