American Desi

The longer my family stays in America, the more I realize how confused desi/mixed culture/1 and a half generation/culturally complexed I am. And yet, I still want to be either this or that, black or white, Indian or American but at the same time am so proud of the mixture I am. I imagine every American Indians' Thanksgiving went like this yesterday: with all the hustle and bustle of roasting a turkey, smashing potatoes and baking pies, not many people had on the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade this year. Most of us had CNN or one of our Indian channels blasting throughout the house, giving us a minute by minute update of the attack in Bombay. Many of us glanced at the screen in between bastings and saw the Taj, remebering it from one of the many summer trips to the Gateway of India.

The one day I most desire to be a regular American family, I am reminded that I am only pretending. A person can eat a complete turkey dinner made from scratch but does that make me American? How can I be fully American? My dad has always said as long as my eyes are round and my skin is brown, people will question what my background is.

This event further acknowledges my battle between my two cultures. Do I feel sad that India was attacked or do I feel scared that like my family vacations, the families/businessmen/wedding parties were involved? And which side do I side with as an Indian? The vacationers or the citizens?


My heart goes to the many people who lost their lives and have gotten injured, and I feel even worse about the architecture and the history that this attack as destroyed.

Conspiracy

It never fails; I do it everyday. Why do I always fall for it, why do I always get trapped in the conspiracy of Starbucks?! And you know, its not like i have some awesome order like Carmel-frappachino-half milk-half water-1/4 carmel-1/4 butterscotch-1/2 sweet n low-3 inches of whipped cream or anything.

what do i get? grande black coffee, with room for cream please. plain, simple, strong, and $1.95. Why do i feel like i need to BUY black coffee? from a franchise? when i can easily make it for hmm 50 cents? buy it from the gas station for $1? steal it from work right before i leave for class? and not only that, why do i tell them to give me less coffee than i pay for-why am i paying the full amount, and asking for only 3/4 of the deal? see why i call it a conspiracy?

oh but starbucks coffee is soooo good. and yes its strong... but it wakes me up with just a couple of sips... and OH its on every corner, so conveniently located right out side of the campus, inside of the campus, and in the cafeteria right next to my classroom. CONSPIRACY THEORY anyone?

I wanted to get my money's worth today, so I used 4 packets of sweet n low and several dashes...welll who am i kidding... almost half the bottle of "vanilla" flavor. How the heck did they get vanilla essence in powder form? Deep down inside... i was really wondering if its actually crack.

That may explain my elevated hyperness in class 3 mins after my first sip.

Somehow i get the feeling that i will revisit this post... when i start buy starbucks ground coffee instead of my usual folgers. :-/ oh why do i let it happen?

Weigh In

This is my life. All my life I remember reading Kathy and agreeing with every fat person issue, every pound and still falling for every temptation. It's crazy how if you are a woman in your 20's or 30's you fall into this character of Kathy and become obsessive, maniac over weight. GROSS.