Tuesday, September 15, 2009


pretty good day today. it feels good to have some peace again. had another dress fitting. weddings suck up money like crazy. oh but i loveee that dress. i wish i was wearing it for longer than just an hour. i hope i end up loving my saree just as much as well. the tickets are finalized also. just a few more things and shopping for gifts and we'll be on our way,

im getting nervous about the canada trip. i've never been with c for so many days. i hope we dont get tired of each other. i hope we get along. atleast i always have the hotel room to go back to. it feels like a trial run.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009


I can't focusss. I can't focus when things are like this. I need to talk to u for my days to go well. I hate who I've become. When did I become so cold. I hate who u've become. When will it ever get better? There are so many good things going on in life. I feel awful. Everything hurts. not physically... just...drained and damaged like. Remember how it felt to be on cloud 9? I don't know if I'm ready to be an adult. but I though with you by my side I could learn, I could transform, I could become. But now i'm lonely, and bitter, and mean. I'm never mean. This is too new and I hate being this way.
Things I need to work on:
Smiling at people
Realizing that other people did not do anything to you
Stop yelling at people

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

lost 10

i had a doctors appointment today. its so strange being a patient when i'm so used to be on the other side. the whole doctor's visit is so awkward as a patient. i truly believe in preventive care, yearly check ups but actually getting it done is such a drag. my favorite doctor is the eye doctor. its so easy.

everyone hates the weighing machine. some of our patients at my clinic demand that we do not check their weight. when we guide them to the weighing machine, they walk the other way. i had to check my weight today and...

i lost 10 lbs.

without really trying! i was so impressed. the nurse kept asking me questions, but i couldn't even answer cuz i was so into the weighing machine and then the number finally flashed. 10 lbs lost from last time. whoa

i feel so accomplished! if only i could do that two more times and lose about 20 lbs, i'll be at the weight that i want to be for life.