Thursday mumblings.

These last few weeks, I spend so much time sleeping. I don't know what it is... I don't know if its because I get overwhelmed with my homework and ignore it by sleeping or if I my lingering cough is really burdening my body. But all I ever want to do is sleep. Today I took a 2.5 hr nap, when I have tons of stuff I could be doing! blah

This daylight savings etc is driving me crazy as well.

I also have a mad man teacher on Thursday...who is the most egotistical, stuck up, cockiest man I've ever met. And all my life a lot of my friends thought Indian men were the most stubborn--they have yet to meet this... german guy.

After tonight, I'll have 3 weeks of school/finals left and 1 week for fall break/TG. Its my last thanksgiving here since Canadians celebrate it in October. I also found out they don't go all crazy like Americans with the feast either...so I want to enjoy this one as much as I can. I have some good recipes I'd like to try out this year.

Well I must get dressed and go to my dreaded class.

Every 2 months or so...

... I've been meaning to sit down and blog for so long. Its amazing how fast time flies and I don't realize it until I look at the last time I had blogged. So much has been going on, and that just makes time move faster. In the past two months I've had 2 bridal showers, a trip to Toronto, dress fittings, 100s of invitations sent out, thank you cards to be written, and tickets booked for India.

The wedding is soon approaching. I had a fantastic trip to Toronto 2 weeks ago, but I think I left my heart there. I am so excited to move out there and be with my hunny. We've had some good talks and got along very well! I wanted to blog about the trip because we ate so much yummy food. A food blog requires a post after eating at the world's food capital. Every time I tell people I'm moving to Toronto, they always mention all the food I can eat. And eat I did. We are obsessed with breakfasts. Here is a list of a few places:

• Spring Rolls-Mango Tango Chicken
• Hero Burger
• Golden Griddle
• Jimmy the Greek
• Shawarmas
• The Host (Indian)
• South Indian food!
  
• Mucho Burrito

and so much more that I can't remember. And we even have more places we wanted to... but our taste buds could only take so much....

I've stopped working, and have so much time on my hands. I'm just trying to relax and enjoy the rest of my time at home.

Its so strange to think that I will have a new home soon, but at the same time exhilarating and freeing. I'm really looking forward to it. And looking forward to having my love with me all the time.

UPDATE: I just went back and read my last posts... and they are so depressing. The Toronto trip has really transformed C and I and we get along so well when we are together. When we are apart it is naturally harder because our lives do not interact, and we can go on having separate lives and having a relationship at the same time. But in Toronto... everything was so good, and so complete. I am not having any more doubts. I am absolutely certain and so absolutely happy.

pleasantries

pretty good day today. it feels good to have some peace again. had another dress fitting. weddings suck up money like crazy. oh but i loveee that dress. i wish i was wearing it for longer than just an hour. i hope i end up loving my saree just as much as well. the tickets are finalized also. just a few more things and shopping for gifts and we'll be on our way,

im getting nervous about the canada trip. i've never been with c for so many days. i hope we dont get tired of each other. i hope we get along. atleast i always have the hotel room to go back to. it feels like a trial run.

Focus/Woozah?

I can't focusss. I can't focus when things are like this. I need to talk to u for my days to go well. I hate who I've become. When did I become so cold. I hate who u've become. When will it ever get better? There are so many good things going on in life. I feel awful. Everything hurts. not physically... just...drained and damaged like. Remember how it felt to be on cloud 9? I don't know if I'm ready to be an adult. but I though with you by my side I could learn, I could transform, I could become. But now i'm lonely, and bitter, and mean. I'm never mean. This is too new and I hate being this way.
Things I need to work on:
Smiling at people
Realizing that other people did not do anything to you
Stop yelling at people

lost 10

i had a doctors appointment today. its so strange being a patient when i'm so used to be on the other side. the whole doctor's visit is so awkward as a patient. i truly believe in preventive care, yearly check ups but actually getting it done is such a drag. my favorite doctor is the eye doctor. its so easy.

everyone hates the weighing machine. some of our patients at my clinic demand that we do not check their weight. when we guide them to the weighing machine, they walk the other way. i had to check my weight today and...

i lost 10 lbs.

without really trying! i was so impressed. the nurse kept asking me questions, but i couldn't even answer cuz i was so into the weighing machine and then the number finally flashed. 10 lbs lost from last time. whoa

i feel so accomplished! if only i could do that two more times and lose about 20 lbs, i'll be at the weight that i want to be for life.

take 5

its been a hard couple of weeks. the starting of the semester (and the ending) is always so difficult. it takes a toll on your body and exhausts your mind. and if you have anything on top of that, you are completely brain dead.

this has been the last two weeks for me. although schoolwise this semester looks great, i have so much going on. i only have two classes i actually have to attend which is fantastic compared to the 5 days a week i was doing during spring semester. unfortunately, i havent been so environmentally friendly as before and have been driving everyday. but driving saves me a lot of time. and time seems so precious right now.

i have one day that i need to go work on my internship. i dunno how that is going to sprawl out. how will i remember everything from my past classes? im just shadowing this week so i hope i get a better idea.

i have one online class which is a little overwhelming. we are working as a group but the work is just hard.

then i have personal life which drives me nuts. everyone wants to know which color im choosing. which veil i want and which shoes look best. everyone wants to know if i want 6 bridesmaids and 2 flower girls. or eight and 4.

what i've realized through all of this is...the ceremony and the flowers, the clothes, and the jewelry just doesnt matter when 'it's' not there. when you have disconnected from me and i, you, none of this matter. i just want it to pass so that you and i can be we already. so that we dont have this barrier and we dont spend all our time driving each other crazy wondering if it will work. it has worked so far, 5 years as much, and i trust you so much. please allow yourself to trust too.

overall these last two weeks have been quite eventful but at the same time so not eventful. i have been gracious to hear two great secrets, buy one pair of lovely wedding shoes, pick up a beautiful dress, read a good book, and mingle and meet with new friends.

Priorities Part 1

have u read Like water for Chocolate before? Its a beautiful book about cooking and love. My two favorite things in life. Its about a woman's battles with her family and finding love and she pours her emotions into her recipes. Depending on her mood, the food comes out differently, more tasty or sometimes sickening.

I felt like her today. i read the book in high school and i dont even remember the main character's name, but the concept of the book will stay by me forever.

I look at cooking as such a therapeutic session. It calms me down when im frustrated and makes me focus when i'm stressed.

Today someone told me i need to get my priorities straight. How it hurts to hear the truth, and how hard it is to accept it. I've known this fact for so long since the second year of college. I need to get my priorities straight. Why is it that even though i've known this for so long, all i've done is added more priorities to the list instead of ranking the first few?

If i have my priorities set right i could do so much better in life. I would get better grades. I would be healthier. I would be able to read more and do things that i truly enjoy.

Last month I tried a 31 day boot camp and as this month starts, should I attempt to figure out my priorities?


my list:

• school
• work (which i'm quitting soon)
• working at the store
• church
• kerala assoc
• friends
• love
• reading
• exercise
• yoga
  
• cooking

Things i'll be adding to the mix pretty soon:

• internship
• wedding planning
• graduation

I need to make my love one of my priorities. He seems to be the one thing that i can push to the end of the list every time. Because in my mind he is still a chatbox on my computer. I need to understand that he is my fiance. FIANCE.

I need to exercise and I need to do good in school. I am going to do less church stuff and more spiritual growing.

So while contemplating all of this, I made a family favorite: meatballs in cream of mushroom
This recipe takes so much work, mixing ground beef with ginger, garlic, green peppers. Molding them into huge meatballs, dipping them in egg white wash and then flour. Frying it and then finally baking it with cream of mushroom soup. so many steps but it is delicious.

I just hope all my anger and frustrated emotions didn't ruin the taste this time.