Wednesday, December 2, 2009

its raining cats and dogs

having a hard time focusing after 3 very productive days. if only i can keep it going and finish proud! everything has finally hit me. im feeling super emotional, nervous, sad, happy, scared. i can't believe these are my last few days in colorado... my home. everything that i am is because of this place and the people here. im getting emotional about stupid things too... like i can't eat my favorite foods anymore, i can't watch the shows i want on my own schedule etc. i didn't think it would be so hard adding someone into your life.

the relationship i've had is purely of convenience. we don't really bother each other, and the distance allows for a lot of individuality. Now that i have to combine two lives, i'm scared that i will lose mine in it.

i also can't believe these are my last few days of school. i actually have to be an adult now. and find. a. job. ew. i have to actually work, and make money, and pay off loans, and finance, and buy cars and things. i have to work actual hours and not just part time. and after all of that i have to be a wife.

i can't just leave the dishes for my parents to do. i can't just eat whenever i want. i gotta do family stuff.

ah. and i'm going to india. i need to pack, i need to clean up my life from here. and move.
MOVE. via India. why did i think this was a good idea.

i'm nervous about the wedding. what if it turns out ugly, what if i look awful in india with the rain and humidity. what if i gain weight and don't fit in the dress.

oh but i've been waiting so long. 5 yrs? 6? to be with this person. to move and join him and begin. we didn't like the distance remember?

our dreams are coming true. we've waited so long and here it is.

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