Wednesday, July 1, 2009

What if?

I had ice cream with one of my bestest friends every the other night and our main topic of conversation were what ifs? we are both at a very similar stage of our lives, mine moving faster than her's but both dealing with the same excitement, anxiety, and doubts. as we doubt our new decisions our conversation fell into many what ifs. lately, thinking about these has made me feel more sure about getting married. i'm such a huge believer in destiny and i don't believe in these what ifs because God has already decided which path i am to take.

what if i was never in that chat room that morning?
what if we forgot each other when we stopped talking during christmas break?
what if W never gave up on us? would i be staying in the US? in the orthodox faith?
what if i stayed in the US, would I have become a PA? would i have become a medical student, maybe ending up somewhere in the caribbeans? what if i had really studied in school?

if you think like this you may go crazy. you can extend it into anything. my parents met each other through my mom's brother. my dad and my uncle were living in north india when my uncle proposed my dad marries my mom.

what if my uncle never went to north india? only half of me would come to america.
which half would it be? my big eyes would stay in india with my dad, my small nose would come along. if my parents weren't together, i would have never met my sister.

my friend kept questioning what if we continued dating the same people from high school. what if she didn't go away for school. she wouldn't have become this amazing woman she is now. she wouldn't have the career that she has wanted all her life.

and finally, what if these people we are engaged to are not "the ones"? how can we really be sure? i believe you grow into loving people. sometimes they don't have to be the one. there may be many.

but the more i think about this the more sure i am.
i was suppose to be in that chat room that day.
i was suppose to meet a boy from canada.
he was suppose to be my best friend.
he was suppose to make such an impact on me that we continued to talk for years.

somehow we were destined to meet each other, be with each other, love each other. even though we are different i'm a little different from everyone, even though we grew up in different places you can't compare colorado indians to other places, and even though we have only met a few times: sometimes you just know its right.

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