And one year later...

And one year later...I'm a real permanent resident of Canada. Today I received my OHIP card (Ontario Health Insurance Program) for health care services. What a wonderful moment! Not only is this the last thing I was waiting for regarding my immigration, I haven't had insurance for the last 3 years. I turned 22 and got kicked off of my mom's insurance. I only worked part time so I never received any medical benefits. I was going to grad school which provided really expensive insurance that I didn't take. I figured I worked in a doctor's office, so if the worst happens, I always had doctor's around to help me. It wasn't too bad. Whenever I had to see my real doctor I just paid for it, and I think I actually saved money compared to getting real insurance. Unfortunately, I went to the doctor more often after I moved to Canada and realized how beneficial insurance can be when I had to pay for my visits as an unemployed woman.

So receiving this card was quite a wonderful moment. I finally felt safe. Anything could happen to me, and I could see a doctor. This might not mean much to other Canadians, but coming from America and working in medical billing, I understand what a privilege it is to receive free health care. The card came stuck on a piece of paper. I looked at the paper over and over again. It just said here is your card, please notify us if your address changes. I was expecting a list of restrictions. Could I really go see any doctor? The ER? Walk In? Specialists? I'm not sure yet...I think I may need a referral for specialists. But I know many people walk into the ER like it is the walk in clinic. I recently heard a story where a woman died in the ER while waiting to be seen because the wait time was so long, and no one was available to tend to her.

I guess there are advantages and disadvantages to both systems. There are not many doctors in Canada because many of them migrate to the US where doctors get paid more. The salaries in Canada are lower because most of the medical expenses are paid by the government. Waiting times are long, and doctors' skills may not be allocated properly since even a little cold is treating by the ER doctors. Health care is very expensive in the US but we don't have to wait very long. There must be a happy medium between the two.

I'm still very excited about receiving my card. At least I have some option. Not only do I need a lot of services, it will be interesting to compare the two systems as well.

Life and Death

i'm here at school and the printers are not working....i have a few minutes before class and a mind provoking topic, so it was a perfect moment to update the blog.

last night i have this weird feeling...like i was going to die. my body was hurting so much that i thought i may have something like MS or some sort of whole body cancer. Thinking about this really scared me. How would it feel to hear that you may only have a few days to live? After looking up MS symptoms...I'm sure I don't have that so I feel much better today. But last night I was so scared that I just started crying.

I also had this weird feeling when I went to an amusement park this summer. I went back home in August and me cousins and I decided to go to an amusement park. I lovee rides, but this time I was quite scared of something unusual happening. I'm usually the one that forces others to get on roller coasters...but this time it was realyl hard to get myself to go on it.

This is pretty odd for me because there have been days in the past where I would go to sleep and hope that I died and won't have to wake up the next day. Before getting married, I've had many nights that I'd go to bed when so much physical pain and heartache that I just didn't want to live another day.

Last night, I was scared to die. I feel like theres's not much to live for these days so I thought it would be easier to think about death. It's not. The reason I was so scared was because I wasn't ready to leave my husband yet. I think my purpose in life may no be extraordinary, but just to care and be with my husband. I was truly scared because I didn't want to leave him alone in this world. And selfishly, I didn't want to see him start another life that has potential for prefection without me. I know this is morbid to think, but thinking about it gave me a spark. I feel like I do have something to live for. I didn't just move here to make my life so difficult. I'm really here because I love my husband and really really really want to be with him and hopefully for 60+ years!

Midterms

I wanted to write this post a couple days ago. I always have stuff on my mind that is time sensitive but forget to actually write it in the blog! As we all know the Midterm elections were this week. This is not another post on how the House is divided and if our country will make it another two years. This is a post about how you feel as an immigrant during voting season.

Recently it seems as though everything I do is so similar to how my parents are. Everything I am trying to work through in Canada reminds me of what my parents must have felt when they came to the US. I remember when we were little and had dinner parties with all the other indian families, the uncles would sit around and talk about Indian politics. I never knew why they would be so involved in indian politics. First of all it was really complicated. Secondly, and most importantly, they don't live there anymore so why do they care so much? To me politics was something you worried about when you lived in that area. Isn't it in my best interest to be informed on who my mayor, senator, congressmen are in my city? How they directly affect me?

I guess its more complicated than that. This year when everyone was voting in the US, i felt left out, but at the same time i was so interested. I read all the articles, watch the polls at the end of the day. But why? I don't llive there anymore and it doesn't effect me at all. I think for me it was more a feeling of pride, a feeling of belonging. I still feel like I am an American and regardless of where I live I want America to prosper. I want it to look good amongst the other countries. I want people to elect the right guys because the American government still affects my parents and my sister and all my friends and family still in America.

You know I think that's what it means to be a citizen. To be proud of your country regardless of where you are or what situation the country is in. That is your country and you want to show it off.

I guess those uncles at the indian parties are still indian inside and still care how their families/parents/siblings are living back home.

tired

i realized that i'm slowly becoming my mom. its so dreadful and something that i don't want at all...but it seems so inevitable. one time we went to india and had planned this super long tour around south india. our first stop was chennai, then mysore, then mangalore. we werer going to do a 10 day trip by train. it was quite fun, we visited family on the way and got to see a lot of places in such a quick time. i really liked seeing the mysore palace and its extraordinary architecture. naturally when we got back to kerala everyone asked how our trip was. My dad, my sister and i were soooo excited to tell everyone how it was and how much we enjoyed it. But my mom's response? "oh it was tiring" everytime someone asked us about it she said it was tiring. We got really mad at her and told her she has a negative attitude. She does usually look for the negative in things and try to argue with everyone--its just her nature.

So the other night my hus and i went swimming. he asked me how i was liking it and i was "its tiring, my legs hurt a lot." as soon as i said it...i wish i could take it back. he scrunched his face and said "are you always complaining?" i felt so bad at that moment. he had set up this whole swimming thing, bought me a new swimsuit etc. i do tend to complain a lot. with my body issues...a lot of things are painful but i guess it is just as hard being around someone complaining about it as well. sometimes i feel like i have a right to complain because i have an actual physical problem. but no one likes being around a complainer. i've decided to not be so complainy anymore. i want to be a positive person (i used to be a positive person). but sometimes at the end of the day...i feel like my husband is the person i should be the most honest to. i guess though, you just gotta suck it up and live.

Busy Bee

I finally have become busy in Canada. I started classes a few weeks ago...just part time taking some classes that i didn't take in my previous programs. its at a community college...which is interesting. i always think of myself as very immature--well not immature....just not mature like other people my age. But, when i come to this school....i realize how much of an old lady i am. :P not that its a bad thing, i like being out of that uncertainty phase that the other students are going through. I know everyone has their own issues but its funny how during class i'm stressed out about grocery lists, what to make for dinner, laundry, etc.

I also started volunteering and though i've only gone to two days, i loveeee being in an office again. there is something about walking into an office and pouring yourself a cup of coffee. i can't wait until i get a real office job. i also love being around other people too.

all this good karma has helped and i've actually gotten my immigration!! it was so exciting and such a relief to finally have things work for me. i finally get to add myself to insurance policies, bank accts, etc. i feel like i have an identity here.

i've also realized how hard it is to be a working wife! i was out all day...and came home to a pile of hoemwork. i realized then that i need to organize my life better if i intend to cook, clean etc like before. i want to be the perfect wife but be an independent, confident woman as well.

i'm havin fun though. life is much better than it was before. though i miss all my daytime tv shows and sitting around in my pjs all day!

Got Milk?

Allergy articles are everywhere these days. I've always been amazed by how many kids are becoming more and more allergic to things recently compared to when I was a child or even another decade before that. Though I haven't researched it much, I've heard that the rise in allergies is because our society (at least in first world countries) have become too sanitized. Our bodies have become used to cleanliness so much that it recognizes some objects as being foreign. Unfortunately, our bodies are recognizing everyday things like peanuts, corn, wheat etc as being foreign.

At first I couldn't believe how many kids had peanut allergies! I even heard at one school if you bring a peanut butter sandwich, you are shunned to the peanut table to eat your lunch! I didn't realize how much of an impact allergies had in schools.

But of course the believe who believe it the least develop it the fastest right :) I've developed a bunch of allergies recently! The year I turned 21 I decided to grill some fantastic shrimp. Shrimp is something I absolutely loved...but that day, I felt a little funny in my throat. I didn't think much of it and thought I must have made a mistake in my recipe because I didn't find it very appetizing at all. I tried it again later in Indian food and still found myself not really liking it as usual and my throat and lips were kind of swollen. I realized then that I am probably allergic to shrimp. I've recently experimented with crab, lobster, oysters and found the same reaction to those too. But giving up shellfish was easy. I didn't eat it much before anyways.

But recently I found out i was allergic to something else--something that i absolutely love and had everyday--MILK. I loveeee milk. I love drinking a big glass every morning. It keeps me so full and I really think I lost most of my weight from that. As I've mentioned before, I have some symptoms of rheumatoid arthritis, but lately the symptoms have been so severe I could hardly get out of bed and move around. I was getting really tired of life, it just didn't feel right that a 24 yr old would have such severe symptoms of arthritis. I was even questioning how long I would live if the symptoms kept progressing like that! My dear husband was doing researched and suggested that I don't drink milk for a couple of days. I did that and the results were amazing! I felt so energetic. I didn't have any swelling or pain. I was so amazed! I haven't had milk for about 2 weeks and I feel so strong. I do miss milk a lot but I grateful we found out what was bothering my body. It's interesting how our bodies react to certain things.

I don't know if we should work on cures for allergies. If you eat pure, non processed food, it seems to be easy to avoid what you are allergic to. Milk is hidden in a lot of things, and I still need to experiment with other types of dairy. Until then I'm just grateful to be pain free!x

Today i feel like the whole day is open to do anything. i don't really have plans...although i've never really had plans in my housewifedom...but today especially...im kind of at a loss of what to do. i think its because last week was the hills finale...so i feel like i'm free from self-indulges that i like to do by myself during the day. i dunno why this feeling.

this weekend we did a lot of furniture and homegoods buying. i lovee doing this, not only because i love household things, but making these decisions make me feel like this is my house too. even though i've been here for half a year (!) i still don't have much to myself. all i have is a 5 drawer chest where i put my clothes, my computer, a few shoes, a jacket, and yoga mat. moving here has really made me live minimally. only recently have i even started buy groceries or goodies just for myself.

other than that...we don't have much going on...i'm going home this weekend and its all i can think of.