Today i feel like the whole day is open to do anything. i don't really have plans...although i've never really had plans in my housewifedom...but today especially...im kind of at a loss of what to do. i think its because last week was the hills finale...so i feel like i'm free from self-indulges that i like to do by myself during the day. i dunno why this feeling.

this weekend we did a lot of furniture and homegoods buying. i lovee doing this, not only because i love household things, but making these decisions make me feel like this is my house too. even though i've been here for half a year (!) i still don't have much to myself. all i have is a 5 drawer chest where i put my clothes, my computer, a few shoes, a jacket, and yoga mat. moving here has really made me live minimally. only recently have i even started buy groceries or goodies just for myself.

other than that...we don't have much going on...i'm going home this weekend and its all i can think of.

Hopeful

hi. ok ok i missed a day but we were really busy. :) sorry. I don't really have a specific topic for today. I'm just trying to figure out what to do with life. I have this feeling that my immigration is going to take a long time...at first I was feeling really optimistic...but I saw an estimated processing time chart on the canadian immigration webpage and it says it could take much much longer. sigh.

I'm trying to be optimistic about life...because if i bum around its not fair to C. he works so hard during the day that he shouldn't have to come home to sadness. He should be happy when he comes home. And really I'm just being a baby. Its not as though I'm suffering here...my only problem is that I'm dying of too much free time. I mean how many married 24 yr old's can say that??

I also believe that I have a purpose for being here...maybe my purpose will be unveiled to me soon, maybe in 50 years. Why else would God have made me meet C on the internet out of the billions of people out there? Why would He have set me up with someone in Canada...there are so many people in the US. There just has to be a reason.

So I'm making my options...school starts again here in september. So i was thinking of taking a few classes. Think about this--I can take any class I want...I don't really need goodd grades cuz if I fail I don't have to tell anyone about it. I can just forget that whole class...or drop it or whatever i want. But at the same time, I may be able to learn some stuff, use it on my resume, and actually start using my brain again. I'm looking at taking some classes at the college (thats community college to us americans--our college is called university here) just for fun. Also, I just applied for a volunteer position. Pray that I get it!! Then I can get out of the house...maybe meet some new friends...get up and get dressed everyday. It will be fun!

Please Please Please just keep me in your prayers.

The Indian Cliche Wife

hello blogosphere...i actually made it to a second consecutive day for a new post. I dunno why but blogging is much easier when you are upset, isnt it? But then I don't want my blog to be one big pity party...because its a reflection of my life...and my life really is quite easy breezy fun right now.

Moving to Canada has really taught me a lot. Since I've been back from india i've been in a very sad-y mood. I guess until the trip to india, my excuse for not working is because i had to be in india for 2 weeks....so if i started a job i wont be able to take time off etc etc. Then i guess in my head it was like, once i come back life will start. but....it hasnt...its really the same as before if not more frustrating. My immigration is taking soooo long. So even though i'm usually quite content and happy to be here with my husband...i've had days were my insides have burst and i've gone into crazy crying spells. I feel like my life is so indian cliche...girl meets boy. girl and boy are well educated from good families. they get married. girl moves to boys country (usually some foreign country). girl applies for immigration. girl sits at home because she can't work. girl depends on husband for everything.

You know when you are in school or working...all you want is a break. But in reality with a break like this...and a brain that is used to being challenged, you literally go crazy! I really do feel for all those H1 wives now. Some of them are so young it must be so hard to adjust. Then they decide to have a child just because there is nothing else to do...and suddenly this young girl because some old aunty-like person.

I know i made the right decision because even though i had everything else at home...i came home every night and cried because i didn't have C. I'm just so anxious to start my life...use my degree toward something. start making money....having a routine and some new friends.

i guess i'll just have to wait.

Groceries

oh wow i'm really bad at blogging. the thing about blogging is that i read a lot of really good blogs. i have about 30 or so in my google reader and they all do such a good job at writing a post everyday. i hate it if they leave a huge gap between posts but i don't know why i don't apply that rule to my own blog.

my last post was soooo long ago and so much as happened. i've taken a trip to india...my MIL has come back home...my sister in law got married. so much. but i felt like i did write a post in between...the thing is.. i have so many ideas in my head for a post but i never sit down to write it. i really will try.

one of the ideas i had was to talk about grocery stores in india. can i say ew? first of all...during my last trip to india i stayed with my husband's family the whole time. It's a little different staying with them because they live in "the city" and in a flat and by themselves. Which means we gotta fend for ourselves ie cook, clean, etc ourselves! Usually when i got with my parents, we stay at our own house which is next to my uncle's house which is where we usually hang out and eat. My aunt usually cooks enormous amounts of food for us, and we never have to worry about coming home to an empty kitchen. This time though, after whole day expeditions throughout Cochin, we'll come home around 9ish and be famished and left with no groceries. But at the same time, since we were in the city, we dined at some amazing restaurants and didn't have to spend hours sitting in the car traveling from our house to other places.

Anyhow, since it was just my in laws and C and me, their parents let ourselves do a few things on our own. (my parents have never let me do this, maybe cuz im a girl, maybe cuz i don't really speak malayalam, probably cuz i don't know the way around). After spending about a week there C and I had the hang of things so we decided to go get groceries because I loveeee grocery stores. But OMG i feel so bad for people in India. They get crap! I was buying some fresh veggies and couldn't even stand to look at it. The tomatoes were tinyy and misshaped, the carrots were small, the cilantro was all squished. everything was just gross. I asked for some eggs but they ran out of it. We wanted to buy milk, but they are sold in tiny bags that were leaking everywhere. I was very surprised to see a superstore that was so disorganized. I felt really bad because I know where the big, luscious tomatoes were, the pretty yellow bananas, the ripe ripe mangoes--they are all on a ship to dubai, england, america...

It was quite the experience and now I feel even more bad for indian housewives who make amazing dishes with so low quality products. They already hardly have gas stoves, fridges and microwaves.

Everything else in india was much better than usual this time. I really enjoyed this trip. It was the right duration (about 10 days) because India can get kinda boring and disgusting if you are there any longer. For the first 10 days its still so new and exotic.

Yummy yummy yummy I got rice in my tummy

My motivation for cooking has diminished. I think it's because my sister in law is at home with me all day, and the part of cooking I liked was the surprise when we ate dinner. But when she is here, she can smell and see everything at the early stages. I dunno, I have some weird complex. I'm also exhausted from eating food from my cousin's trip last weekend. We had so much food and so many leftovers that I hardly had to cook last week. Then we had my sister in law's bridal shower, and the aunties sent home a bunch of food from that as well. So after eating all that, we were left with actually having to make a meal today.

I've been wanting to make fried rice (indian kind) for a long time now. My husband likes traditional kerala style food and isn't really into the north indian stuff, but i love how curried north indian is (compared to dry kerala food). He's on a business trip though, so its the perfect time to eat stuff that he doesn't like, hence, fried rice, egg curry, and yogurt salad. YUM!

I always thought fried rice was something that is hard to make since it is usually only made on special occasions (in a malu home). I know whenever my mom made it, she makes huge quantities to feed an army or take to a potluck.

For fried rice (this makes about 6-8 portions) take 2 cups basmati rice and soak it in water (after washing it) for 20 mins. While that is soaking, slice half a medium onion and one large green chili. Heat up about 3 tbsp oil, once it is hot, add fennel, cloves (4-5), and one bay leaf, let it toast in the oil. Then saute the onion and then the chili. once the onion has some color on it, add 1 tsp of coriander pwd, 1/2 tsp chilli pwd, and a pinch of turmeric. let that fry in the oil. Drain the rice from the soaking water and put the rice into the pan. Fry the rice with 2 tbsp of butter/ghee (i used butter). once the rice is kind of translucent from frying, add 4 cups water and salt until you can just taste the salt in the water. cover, bring to a boil, and then reduce to low and let it sit for 20 mins. I stirred my rice in between because i was scared of burning it. During the last 5 mins, i put in about a cup of frozen mixed vegetables.

It was so good!!

Guests!

Last week was a huge feat for me. It was my first time having guests over! My aunt and cousin came to visit me. I wish I could have taken pics of all the food i made...but I was wayyy too busy. It took me almost two whole days to make everything, but i made a proper kerala meal and also had another lunch with some local guests too! It was such a big deal because i had to make the house look perfect, the food taste perfect, make sure they were entertained, and just play the role of a good hostess. Plus it was my aunt...she was gonna go home and tell my mom everything!! But no worries, everything went well.

The grass is greener on the other side...

I don't know if I have used this title already because grass has been on our minds for a couple of weeks now. My new hobby is gardening and making our perfect house look beautiful on the outside. It's also a super romantic, intimate outing with your hubby. Not only does he feel manly doing all the heavy lifting, shoveling, etc...he gets to watch you get creative and physical..grunts and all. I feel its so intimate because your partner sees you at your worst. You wear the most casual clothes you have, you get hot and sweaty...and you even feel sore the next day. It seems like such a vulnerable activity.

But i also came up with this title because i'm homesick. I feel like i just want one day to go back to life how it was....even if it includes a full day of work...a couple of classes...and going to bed alone. The life I'm living right now almost feels like a fairytale and sometimes I think with the next blink of the eye I'm going to go back into reality. No my fairytale isn't glamorous...but...its just so surreal.

I think i'm starting to really lose it with having so much time on my hands. I feel pathetic and feel like I'm losing my skills. I crave people interaction. As much as i've been trying to absorb this new city... I would give anything to drive on my old streets, walk into a Target, eat a McDouble and see my family.

But when I had all that...all i wanted to do was move to Canada. That was my excuse for everything while i was home...."sorry I can't do it...I'm moving to Canada."

Well Canada I'm here and I want a life. I don't want to be a full time housewife. I want a car. I want to know what each store is. I want to have friends here. I want to make memories. I want to feel like I belong here too.