American Desi

The longer my family stays in America, the more I realize how confused desi/mixed culture/1 and a half generation/culturally complexed I am. And yet, I still want to be either this or that, black or white, Indian or American but at the same time am so proud of the mixture I am. I imagine every American Indians' Thanksgiving went like this yesterday: with all the hustle and bustle of roasting a turkey, smashing potatoes and baking pies, not many people had on the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade this year. Most of us had CNN or one of our Indian channels blasting throughout the house, giving us a minute by minute update of the attack in Bombay. Many of us glanced at the screen in between bastings and saw the Taj, remebering it from one of the many summer trips to the Gateway of India.

The one day I most desire to be a regular American family, I am reminded that I am only pretending. A person can eat a complete turkey dinner made from scratch but does that make me American? How can I be fully American? My dad has always said as long as my eyes are round and my skin is brown, people will question what my background is.

This event further acknowledges my battle between my two cultures. Do I feel sad that India was attacked or do I feel scared that like my family vacations, the families/businessmen/wedding parties were involved? And which side do I side with as an Indian? The vacationers or the citizens?


My heart goes to the many people who lost their lives and have gotten injured, and I feel even worse about the architecture and the history that this attack as destroyed.

Conspiracy

It never fails; I do it everyday. Why do I always fall for it, why do I always get trapped in the conspiracy of Starbucks?! And you know, its not like i have some awesome order like Carmel-frappachino-half milk-half water-1/4 carmel-1/4 butterscotch-1/2 sweet n low-3 inches of whipped cream or anything.

what do i get? grande black coffee, with room for cream please. plain, simple, strong, and $1.95. Why do i feel like i need to BUY black coffee? from a franchise? when i can easily make it for hmm 50 cents? buy it from the gas station for $1? steal it from work right before i leave for class? and not only that, why do i tell them to give me less coffee than i pay for-why am i paying the full amount, and asking for only 3/4 of the deal? see why i call it a conspiracy?

oh but starbucks coffee is soooo good. and yes its strong... but it wakes me up with just a couple of sips... and OH its on every corner, so conveniently located right out side of the campus, inside of the campus, and in the cafeteria right next to my classroom. CONSPIRACY THEORY anyone?

I wanted to get my money's worth today, so I used 4 packets of sweet n low and several dashes...welll who am i kidding... almost half the bottle of "vanilla" flavor. How the heck did they get vanilla essence in powder form? Deep down inside... i was really wondering if its actually crack.

That may explain my elevated hyperness in class 3 mins after my first sip.

Somehow i get the feeling that i will revisit this post... when i start buy starbucks ground coffee instead of my usual folgers. :-/ oh why do i let it happen?

Weigh In

This is my life. All my life I remember reading Kathy and agreeing with every fat person issue, every pound and still falling for every temptation. It's crazy how if you are a woman in your 20's or 30's you fall into this character of Kathy and become obsessive, maniac over weight. GROSS.

Homecoming

Lately I've noticed, ever night when I'm coming home from class, sitting on the bus, I have this personal homecoming celebration in my mind. Every night the bus passes the Boulder turnpike, my life flashes before, I have a sigh of relief that I've made it through another day. I wake up every morning thinking of the long day ahead of me, work/school, or schoolwork, family, friends, boyfriend, life, money, money money and lately the elections. but 15 hours later, i pass the Boulder turnpike and am reminded to be thankful, that another day went by without any major tragedies. Sometimes I feel as though I own the whole of northern Denver metro. I've grown up here, and this is my home.
Boulder turnpike: reminds me that that life I used to have, where everything was all about pleasure, college is pleasure, the search for it, in the most expensive way. But along that route, you run into Superior which is the place i work now.
We pass that exit and move onto the next:
Thornton Pkwy-where my high school is and why I have such attachment to this place. I have become who I am because of that high school and all the friends and teachers who have inspired me.
104th-our first home in Thornton, and now my parents' final destination with our store. Everything has become a full circle on this street: from elementary school to where I spend the most time these days.
112th-Where my middle school is... my lost years, I had no clue who I wanted to be, and who I was actually being. strange strange years.
120th-typically my last stop on the bus, this street is the park and ride, which is so important to me. my aunt lives across the street. I used to live just down the street. and right around the corner is where I hung out, loitered at every store with my high school friends.
then we move onto 136th-my home for now. not just a house, its home.
denver has continued so far these days...to 144th-the new mall where i seem to find myself on saturday mornings, 160th where my sister got her first job.

I know every nick and cranny of this place. every mcdonald from commerce city to boulder. every stoplight, walgreens, short cut, alley, and every hidden corner the cops like to hang out in.

through everything i've done in my life, every person i met, and who i have become, northern denver is home. and thinking of leaving it soon is killing me. maybe its the unconscious acceptance of knowing i only have a few more days, months, maybe less than a year to be here that has initiated this homecoming celebration. How will i make another city home? i don't think i can ever own a city like i own this one. every steet has a meaning to me, a period of my life, or at least a small memory.

but everyday, i thank God that even though the day was rough, and i never knew if i could do it, i've made it through, and in the end I always return home.

The Scales of a Fish

Pisces and Libra Pisces and Libra is one of those strange but beautiful combinations, usually brought together by fate, rather than by conscious choice. Pisces, rule by fortunate Jupiter and imaginative Neptune, naturally loves to be of service to Libra, and in turn Libra loves to share creative resources with the appreciative Fish. If your Libran lover resists the temptation to take advantage of you and you learn to trust and respect the airy Scales, you can build a human bridge between the planet of love, Venus, and her higher octave, Neptune. Libra, the Scales, is a Cardinal Sign and Pisces, the Fishes, is a Mutable Sign. This places Libra in a natural position of leadership with the happy-to-follow-along Fish. Yet Pisces is in a hidden position of power with Libra, as Libra can be easily knocked out of balance by your subtle moods and manipulations. People often underestimate the strength of the seemingly fragile and submissive Fish, but you have more strength than any of us can dream of. When the Fish is good, it is very, very good... but when feeling insecure or unloved, that energy can be unintentionally used in destructive ways. Because Libra is an Air Sign and Pisces is a Water Sign, they can create a healthy, healing mist. When they are out of balance, they can create destructive storms between them. If Libra is feeling insecure, he or she can become very detached and standoffish, which only serves to drive the supersensitive Fish away. Your insecurities can sometimes become clinging and emotionally demanding, which cool, collected Libra finds distasteful. When you each learn to let your shared love of peace and balance be the guiding force, you can create soothing environments that friends and family members will delight in. This combination works best when you have a joint goal or purpose to work towards. You can, for example, work together as a team in the arts and cosmetic-related services, as you are capable of creating great beauty and harmony. It is unusual to find Pisces and Libra as long term committed romantic partners, but when other planetary placements and aspects are in harmony, you can be very successful in love and marriage.


hmmm... astrology is amazing, sometimes i wonder how i can be a Christian when i see such perfect/accurate evaluations like this.

MY BATTLE WITH SALAD

I'm long overdue for a new recipe. I haven't been cooking very much, so you haven't been missing out. I've just been so busy with school lately. Last week was awful, I ate all junk food. I didn't have time to prepare foods, so ended up eating out a lot. Isn't this the problem with all of America?

Anyhow, this Sunday I went to the grocery store and like every health conscious person bought chicken and a bag of salad. Firstly, I still am on the fence about if rich people are more likely than poor people to get fat. For example, I went to the store wanting to buy chicken breast-lean, white meat, very good for the body. BUT it was freakin' $3.99 a lb! I couldn't afford that, so i went with the bone in stuff and I had to cut it at home, and we are using the bones for Indian food. I don't know what american people would do with it--Chicken soup? anyhow, chicken and salad is boring.
i hate it.
but i loveee chicken and salad at restaurants. WHY???
my biggest craving is Chipotle salads, luckily they cost a fortune also, so I stay away from it.

So today I tried a new type of salad with my bag of romaine and baked chicken.

1. Bake chicken with whatever spices you have. I tried this the other day, and my recipe did not work well, so I will not post it. It was pretty much disguisting.
2. using olive oil, saute some red onion.
3. once onions are starting to get brown, throw in some mixed frozen veggies ( i am having such a hard time eating veggies lately, but I ate the whole bag of veggies in 3 days; the more healthy i am trying to eat... the more indian food i'm eating. its healthy, very flavorful, and its always there since my mom cooks it constantly.)
4. cut up chicken breast and saute with veggies
5. spread on top of salad
6. Salad Dressing, i've been craving Honey Mustard but didn't have any at home. I made a bottom of the jar recipe though! I had some Dabur Honey wayyy at the bottom of the jar. First, I heated the honey in the jar, take the lid off-its metal!! I put about 2 tablespoons rice vinegar and two squirts of spicy deli mustard. SKAKE SKAKE SHAKE. YUMMY.

It turned out really good, very asiany with the dressing.

I still want to try to make a tex mex salad, since that is my absolute favorite. the thing about restaurant salads is the different levels it has. crunch, spice, sweet, soft, hard, etc. i didn't have that many ingredients. but this is one step closer to a good home salad.

The Standstill.

I haven't blogged for so long; but all these emotions are bottled up inside but blogging has shown me that it is so difficult to express all that is going on. Firstly, I feel so lonely. In the last week, I feel like I've lost a good friend, while gaining another sort of relationship. I've wanted this relationship to move into that stage for so long, but now that it has happened, I'm missing what I had.

Isn't it so cliche?

You don't realize what you have until you lose it and it's too late.

I've been feeling off all week: blaming it on being too busy, running from work and school and squeezing homework and life in between. My mind didn't let me feel. But when I did realize what was wrong, it completely made sense. I'm the one that feels distressed when I don't talk to that friend for a day. And now, after not having that friend in my life for a week-- I'm an emotional train wreck.

I apologize for the sadness, but this blog can't do justice for how sad I really feel.

On the other hand, while the rest of the world is gaining golds and silvers at the Olympics, India is on its own mission: Making the LONGEST Pizza

P.S. I'm hooked on the Target Deli Section. This is the best place to go to lunch.