Vacay

August 18! Where do the weeks go?? How does life go by so quickly. I now understand why people say our lives pass by so quickly that one day you'll wake up and realize you've turned 50. It's not just days that pass quickly, but WEEKS. One week, two weeks, and its already the end of summer.

I need a vacation bad. Everyone else seems to be going on fabulous trips. How do they afford it?? Unfortunately, I can't take a vacation day for another 10 months. But all I dream about is going somewhere.

When I was little, all my parents would talk about was going back "home." I've talk about this... this sense of home. For vacations our biggest trips would always be..to...INDIA. We'd save so much money and blow it all on tickets around the world. Every time. My friends always went to Europe, Hawaii, Mexico. Us? We went to India... and not the beachy vacation type... it was India: Visit every old relative you have type. I envied my friends and craved an amazing beach vacation. I still would love to go somewhere resort like. But now, I have an urge to go "home." Often times I think, if we just had an extra $1000 we could go see my parents, my friends, my church, my home. Just an extra few bucks. Going to India with two kids costs $10,000 -- how did my parents do it? Why didn't I know the value of it? To them, and to me too now, you can't put a price on going home. C and I imagine elaborate vacations to the most unique places. We can't afford it right now. And as soon as we do have a little bit of money, I know the first trip we plan will be back home. Is that how it will be from now on? All my trips will be back home? I'll drag my kids to the US? Make them meet all my aunties and uncles and cousins?

Sigh.. I'm turning into my parents.. and that, folks, is a whole new post in itself.

...and back.

I left my last post anging. I just couldn't write anymore...then I went to Walmart. Nothing a little retail therapy can't fix :)

On my drive home I realized even though I have so much going on in my head, I can't write it down because...

because it means I've admitted it to the whole world. That I've accepted it...and proclaiming it to the whole world is hard... its... scary. What if someone else reads it? what if someone thinks I'm talking about them. What will happen if my barrier is torn down and people find out how I really feel inside? But the best blogs have all their feelings displayed. That's what makes me add them to my daily subscription. I want to be free though. My mind is getting crowded...my heart is feeling lonely. I need to let it out before I explode at the wrong time on the wrong person. So here we go... I will be honest, I will let it go...some censorship might be allowed though.

hi blog,

sigh living here makes my words short, my patience large, my freedom limited, but my brain full. And you my blog is the place I should be exploded into. SO...post #2 in 2 days.

I talk to myself so much here...Sometimes I feel the only real friend I have here is God. And thank god God moves around with you where ever you go.

But at the same time I feel so scared to write it down.

...and 5 months later...

Oh blog... I am so sorry I have ignored you. It has been so long and I haven't even told you why. I finally got a job! and I'm a permanent employee. It isn't really in my field but any experience working is good experience at this point. I've had so many new adventures since my last post. There are so many issues that i've wanted to talk about and i will try to write down in the next couple weeks. I don't want to forget the issues I'm going through so I must write it down.

So after Valentine's day time, I ended up going to a New Immigrants welcome workshop. I've known about this workshop for a while, but it was hard for me to accept that I am an immigrant...that these kind of workshops are geared toward me and not only people with accents and far away countries. Let me tell you it was a fun and relieving experience. That week, 3 out of the 7 participants had moved from the US to Canada -- just like me. People without accents, people who identify more with the Canadians than the other immigrants, people who missed Chipotle and Olive Garden, people who had everything in the US, and...people who moved for love. It was nice to meet them. However, I made a very good friend who moved from Malaysia and around that same time I met someone at the Red Cross who moved from Kuwait. It's been nice having some of my own friends who are struggling with the same things as me.

After all of this... i finally got a job. That in itself is so different. Yes I've worked hard before, but working while having a family is HARD. Working while having a family and arthritis is even harder. So much so that I had to call my mom and have her visit just to get my sanity back. But the job is good...just during the week...weekends and holidays off. They sent us on a trip to Chicago.

So much has happened in this time and I can't condense it down to this post. I promise to write more often this week. I have a lot I want to talk about and want to write down to remember in the future. I love going back to my old posts and reading what I was going through at that time, I know my problems right now will be minuscule in the future.

Love and Things

I've been wanting to post since valentine's day. This year was our first valentine's in Canada. last year we were in Denver and it was so hectic with family around and meeting everyone. We don't celebrate things much, so I wasn't sure if I would get flowers or anything. I did mention that I would like a single rose. I think the gesture of flowers is sweet. I know men think its wasteful cuz the flowers die...but especially in the middle of winter, having something alive and blooming brings a huge smile on my face. So the weekend before valentine's day I felt really awful physically. I also go through ups and down with this arthritis. Some days I just can't move anymore and have to climb into bed as fast as I can. Sometimes it's before we've had dinner, before the dishes are done. But my husband is soo good. He'll let me go to bed. Bring me water so I can take my meds.

While he got into bed...I thanked him for being a good husband. He didn't say your welcome... he said... "that's what husbands and wives do, they take care of each other. " Him saying that was such a huge gift in itself. It meant that those are the biggest gifts we have to give each other. When one of us is hurting physically, mentally, or in our hearts, our job is to care for each other. I just loved the way he said it. So practical. He was promising that he will always take care of me...which means a lot more to me cuz I know i'm gonna have a lot of sick days.

I was reading another blog and she was writing what her marriage is. I wanted to do a description of mine:

Marriage is bringing home shawarma take out on friday nights and watching old 80s malayalam movies. It is playing monopoly deal until someone is commander in chief of the whole universe. It is waiting in line for the car wash and talking about the most important things cuz you can't walk away while stuck in the line. Marriage is getting a phone call around 6 when he leaves from work to tell me he's coming home. Its the hug we give before leaving for our days. Marriage is making eggs over easy 7 days a week, and eating them even when i mess them up. It is letting him keep the tv on all through the night but waking up to turn it off when the infomercials start. Marriage is watching amazing race on sundays and knowing his secret that he likes watching desperate housewives. Marriage is learning about sports and him learning about books. It is the random hugs we share whenever we pass each other. It is us doing our own things and when i look at him, him waving and saying hi. Marriage is knowing that our jobs are to take care of each other.

Bright Sunshiny Day

Today was a beautiful sunshine day. The back of our house faces south, so I was able to bathed in the sunshine all day. The funny thing is, a sunshiny day is only good if you are inside. In Canada I've found that the sunshine is a trick...it's actually colder on bright days than on snowy ones. And not just a few degrees colder but substantially colder. But today I didn't mind because I spent the whole day inside. Doesn't a peek of sunshine once in a while make the whole winter better?

I often complain that I hate being at home. I wish I woke up with some purpose...a place to go. But there is one thing that I love about staying at home. Yes I get to enjoy the day...wake up late...watch tv...do whatever I want. But my most favorite thing? Making meals. I make elaborate breakfasts and lunches. I think about them for hours and savor it for even longer. First of all, I'm a huge sandwich lover...I love bread, cheese, and deli meat. Add some eggs or jam or veggies or sauces and it becomes so much more than just a sandwich.

This morning I had a wrap/taco sort of thing. I have some whole wheat chapathi (indian tortillas) and made some scramble eggs topped with cheddar and ham. I enjoyed the wrap dipped in salsa.

I loved the salsa so much I decided I needed something similar for lunch. Rachael Ray is having a waffle week and strangely there are many posts online about using your waffle machine. I have a sandwich maker but have never used the waffle pattern. I decided to make a sandwich in the waffle maker. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE HOT TOASTED SANDWICHES. I used a 12 grain bread, some homemade garlic butter (just garlic roasted in melted butter), turkey, and cheddar, It was so good! I could have made it more toasty but the cheese was getting everywhere. Since I loved the salsa so much I dipped the sandwich into salsa. I could have used some veggies...I think I may try some arugula.

These warm meals make my day. It turns my mood right around and reminds me to be thankful for the small things in my life :)

Such a small job

I'm not doing much in Canada. I think we all know that. Finding a job has been the hardest thing I've ever done in my whole life. Luckily, two days of the week I get to volunteer at the Canadian Red Cross. It's such an easy little volunteering job. I just answer some phone calls, register patients for our services, and work on other administrative projects. But it is so rewarding. Today I had an elderly woman call me asking if there were some services that Red Cross provided for elderly help. Red Cross unfortunately does not have anything like that, but I had a phone number for another organization that does provide these services. All I did was give her the phone number and she was so happy. She has been divorced for 23 years, has no children, and her friends are not in good physical condition to help her. Now that she is becoming more limited physically, she was lonely and just needed someone. I didn't do anything other than simply Googled the agency, but she was so relieved. It's something so simple that makes this job worth it.

I saw so many weird things today. I got a phone call from a girl who from her voice sounded like she was in trouble. It really shook me up because the thing she was asking for was something I thought was mandatory for all parents to provide for a child. I didn't really know the answer to her question and it made me realize how lucky I am that my parents knew where to go for this particular service. It really scared me that the kid was asking for help and not the adults.

I also saw a hawk. In CO this was more common, usually during the summertime. In Canada I don't usually see that many birds, other than geese. Especially when it is so cold outside. But I saw a hawk up close...and I know there are some superstitions about it being bad luck. I dunno.

I also saw a man standing on a bridge as I was driving on the highway. It just worried me. It's so cold outside...why is he walking? and that too on a bridge...and just standing staring at the cars driving by. Gave me a weird feeling.

I dunno...strange day overall.